OK, in high school, I actually read this before I read Evil Genius (which I’ll reread for this blog… eventually) a couple years after graduating, even though Evil Genius actually came out like a year earlier. One of my best friends read Evil Genius around the same time, but probably not this book. And we almost got into a stupid argument about the existence of both series because they’re basically the same thing. Anyway…
So, Otto and Wing just woke up on some helicopter after being knocked out and kidnapped. Lovely.
And that’s made even better because they have no idea where they’re going or how they got kidnapped.
OK, I may make a few more of these Evil Genius comparisons throughout my reviews of HIVE, but I don’t know how much. I honestly don’t know which I liked better as far as main character intros go: This one where Otto’s “evil” deeds leading him to the school presented as a two to three chapter flashback halfway through, or in Evil Genius where it was a slow buildup of his childhood where he “evilly” outsmarts his teachers to the point he skips up enough grades to graduate high school go to the evil university.
Anyway, back to the current info: Apparently, they’re being transported to some mysterious island. With a fake volcano.
OK, so as soon as Otto and Wing enter the school, it already looks like a weirdly futuristic military school meets a generic supervillain’s lair. At least the school in Evil Genius was built to pass as a generic university.
So, this should be an interesting school orientation anyway.
Why is Dr. Nero so interested in Otto and Wing? Why does he think they’re so familiar, and why does he already think they’re potential trouble for the school?
Also, is this Raven lady some knockoff of Black Widow from the Marvel stuff?
So, Otto’s on scholarship with some unknown sponsor. The “incident with the Prime Minister” is what the backstory is in that flashback I mentioned is about, but I’ve never read past this first book to find out who the mysterious sponsor is (other than a few personal theories).
OK, so apparently the school is on the island because of security breaches because some idiot kids in prior years bragged about getting into a supervillain school.
What kinda bad ninja stereotype superpower gave Wing the ability to knock out most of his capture team to get him to the school?
OK, they’re not actually doing the school’s orientation until next chapter?
Oh, look. Another childhood favorite. This time, I’m not actually afraid to sorta bash the sketchy bits I never noticed as a kid if I need to (although not as much as the Harry Potter books). Anyway…
Hooray for descriptions for Charlie, his parents, and both sets of his grandparents that don’t work without the illustrations (and especially work best if you snag one of the book editions with the colorized illustrations instead of the standard black-and-white illustrations).
So, Charlie and his family live in a tiny house in the slums on the edge of town with only one good bed that’s shared by all four grandparents because they’re all super old and bedridden. And Charlie and his parents only get mattresses on the floor in the upstairs bedroom.
The family is super broke because Mr. Bucket works a dead-end job at the local toothpaste factory.
They barely get enough food to eat, which gets made worse for Charlie whenever he passes the Wonka Chocolate Factory on the way to school every day. And he can only have one chocolate bar a year on his birthday.
My one big complaint already: How the hell have Charlie’s teachers never noticed how poor and starving he is? And why the hell have they never called social services to get him help? Just to make him the one good kid in the story?
So, Emily starts off with talking about those stereotypical kids’ drawings of the sky being horribly inaccurate, then her best friend Meg starts talking about how Emily should get a mohawk while at art school over the summer before her senior year of high school. OK…
Emily’s commuting to her classes only three days a week and won’t be basically third-wheeling for Meg and her boyfriend. Apparently.
Oh, fun. Emily and Meg grew up in one of those fancy gated communities. Because privilege is fun.
And the girls always get the same Starbucks order? Enough that the baristas always know to ring it up for them as soon as they show up? Come on.
And they have matching initial friendship necklaces? Really?
Yeah, I’m definitely putting this in my nostalgia tag because it’s starting out so pretentious.
Great. Meg’s a total Mary Sue who’s pretty and popular and super sweet, with a cool boyfriend and straight As in AP classes. And Emily the Narrator is your standard “generic art geek girl” or something.
So, basically they live in the suburbs but with Small Town Boredom. OK.
Meg’s getting ready for her six-month dating anniversary? I mean, sure, celebrating annual dating anniversaries is cool, but six-month ones are just so extra.
Yep. We’re having one of those moments. “Oh, I’m not that great of an artist, and I’m still used to drawing dumb-looking cartoony people,” Emily says as Meg looks over the napkin sketch of her.
But… what starts out as looking like Meg’s about to gush over the picture (because we’ve already been over how gorgeous Meg is a couple times already), she’s just like “Ew this makes me look fat.” Shallow much?
Rick shows up and starts being the overly cute boyfriend, which leads to Meg crumpling up the drawing, which leads to Emily thinking “I hate seeing my art crumpled up like that” as if she wasn’t planning on doing that anyway when Meg first tried grabbing the napkin.
Rick’s supposed to be this super-nice boyfriend and taking so much consideration of the fact that Meg and Emily are super tight, but already seems vaguely dismissive of Emily’s art. Yeah, that’s… definitely not sketchy (no pun intended, but sarcasm definitely intended).
The art class Emily took in high school the year before wasn’t taken seriously by anyone, even the teacher, but the teacher did think Emily was good enough to sign Emily up for a pre-college art course and act as the teacher recommendation. Seems legit.
And we end the chapter with Meg apologizing for hiding the sketch of her while Rick was there “until Emily could fix it.” Yeah, either Meg actually is super shallow, or Rick really is a manipulative bastard and Meg won’t admit it.
OK, this is one of my childhood favorites, so I’m going to try to not be too sarcastic with my commentaries this go-around.
Jess is trying to sneak out of the packed house at dawn to practice his running, and of course May Belle the Nosy Little Sister has to get up and start asking what’s up.
Oh, fun. Jess has only sisters, and he’s got a bit of Middle Child Syndrome going on.
So Jess got the running bug the school year before. Also, it’s the very end of summer now/late August?
Jess is one of the quiet artist types. Why do I get the feeling he’ll get a lot of crap for that?
Jess has all these daydreams about being the best runner on the lower playground, but of course something big’s about to happen so that won’t happen.
Oof. Mr. Aarons apparently has a huge commute from rural Virginia to Washington, DC.
Of course Jess stayed out running too long and Momma and all the sisters except May Belle are pissed.
That’s lovely. Jess’ family is too broke to go back-to-school shopping.
Here we go. New neighbors. But I guess since it’s a really rural area with farmland, “neighbors” would be a loose term?
So yeah, Wolfe’s over here all “Formal Library Apology Letter to Danton’s Parents About His Death” and right away switching to “This is your fault, boss. Even if it was just one of your ‘unfortunate accidents.’ Fuck you.”
And then the Artifex Magnus is just like “Yep. Totally was an ‘accident’ in the process of preserving the Library’s elitist bullshit.”
And now the shock of Danton’s death actually hitting… Oh, look. It’s our final group of kids.
Of course Dario’s still being an ass. Also, I’ll say it again: WTF does Khalila even see in him? (And what does Jess even see in Morgan, in a related repeated sidenote?)
“We can’t stop for a funeral because the Higher Ups Are Pushing Us Into The War Zone Too Quickly.” Because of course.
Is the temporary Full Librarian Status enough protection for the kids in the middle of a war zone? Because, y’know, war zone?
Wolfe’s still thinking everyone’s super fucked and trying not to show it. (I mean, he’s not wrong, after everything already.)
Oh, fun. Not only is everyone going into a war zone, they’re going there in the middle of shit weather.
Even better. They’re going into a war zone in shit weather while barely armed. If it wasn’t already obvious that the Artifex Magnus was setting everyone up to fail because he decided they’re all Too Dangerous To The Library, it’s slap-in-the-face obvious now.
Santi wasn’t kidding about everyone getting squished into the… truck? thing? like sardines. For four hours.
Looks like it’s Don’t Fuck With Santi Now Because High Garda Army Dude In A War Zone now.
Wait, this is the tenth war zone that the Library’s sent Wolfe to? Yeah, the Library definitely wants him out of the way because of his Big Research Scandal.
Lovely. The Welsh Army’s only giving the bare minimum of assistance because Of Course They Are.
Fun times with the Promise-Not-A-Threat-off.
And now everyone’s walking Extra Screwed into the war zone.
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