Of course I’m over here distracted by Neverwhere instead of finishing Coraline and Secrets like I’ve been meaning to.
At least the prologue is short.
So, right. Richard Mayhew. Goodbye party. Moving to London. Got it.
And his friends got him an umbrella with a map of the London Underground because foreshadowing. Because, y’know, prologue.
And now he’s chilling outside his own party because he’s too drunk to have fun anymore.
Oh, fun. More foreshadowing, this little old lady thing he’s homeless. And she’s predicting a long journey to some part of London she doesn’t recognize.
Pfft… watch out for doors.
And now Richard’s giving the old woman his new umbrella.
The woman is telling him that a good heart isn’t always enough, and that’s a sad outlook.
*squints suspiciously at that particular list of Tube stations that just got listed*
*squints suspiciously at Richard wondering if there’s really a circus at Oxford Circus*
*squints suspiciously at the conversation between Richard and his unnamed friend about drowned rats*
Also, between this and Coraline, what’s with Neil Gaiman and rats?
And now Richard is miserable on the way down to London because hangover and ominous conversations?
So, this is one of those things I picked up a few months ago, before the quarantine, thinking it sounded interesting (and trying to find it was kinda in the back of my mind for a while), and then ragequitting a couple chapters in because I hated it.
OK, so what’s the deal with Yelena’s vivid memories of fire? What was with the one dude telling her to put the fire out with her mind? Was someone trying to burn her? What even?
And she was remembering all this shit while stuck in a dungeon. Lovely.
And she’s about to be executed. Even better.
So, apparently it’s “the beginning of the warm season.” And apparently it’s been five seasons out of six? This world has six seasons instead of four? OK.
I was about to ask what the hell Yelena did to get sentenced to death, but apparently she murdered a general’s son?
Oh, fun. Self-defense and accidental deaths can’t get people out of the death penalty.
Now she’s got the choice of being executed or being a military commander’s food taster. So, she’ll either get a quick death sentence or a potentially slower one. Fun.
So, the dude giving Yelena is Valek, the commander’s head security dude. Apparently.
And now Yelena’s taking the job because she doesn’t see any better options. Fun.
OK, yeah, this was one of my favorites the one year I was able to go to college, so I’ve got good memories of it. Let’s see if it holds up. (Also, I’ve gotten the audio book in the nine years since, so I’m just throwing that out there for reference because I know I’ll be joking about it at some point. Even though I haven’t gotten very far in that version.)
So, Fawn’s been on the road for two days, and she’s apparently running away from something. And she’s just showed up at… basically what sounds like a cross between a farm and a highway rest stop.
Fawn’s trying to go to Glassforge. Where is that?
Apparently Fawn looks young (and small) for her age.
Oh, fun. Now Fawn’s gotta worry about the possibility of robbers. Because that totally doesn’t feel like foreshadowing.
Oh, wait, I can’t read. Fawn’s only been on this one road for two days. She’s actually been traveling in general for six days.
Oh, fun. Fawn hasn’t run into the robbers yet, but she has run into your generic creep who tried to assault her when she tried hitchhiking.
And after walking for like six days straight, Fawn’s super exhausted. And, um, sick…
Someone else is coming down the road now. On horses. And Fawn’s going to hide in the orchard behind the farm-rest-stop.
So, who are these Lakewalkers and why are they so scary?
This Dead Lake sounds fun.
OK, so, Lakewalkers are supposedly necromancers or something. And they’re nomadic. And they’re matriarchal.
Also, Lakewalkers fight off blight bogles, which… don’t sound good.
Oh, fun. The Lakewalker who just decided to chill under the tree Fawn’s in has a prosthetic hand, currently with the hook attachment on.
So, this one other Lakewalker who’s an older lady just decided to chill with the other dude, and now they’re basically confirming their patrol’s hunting for a blight bogle.
OK, basically:
Me when I first read this: “Mari rhymes with starry.”
Audio book: “Mari sounds like Mary.”
Me:
Fawn’s over here like “shit, go away, I need to go to the bathroom without y’all seeing me.”
No, Fawn, the Lakewalkers totally didn’t see your backpack that you left out in the open on accident.
And… apparently Dag the Lakewalker Dude did notice Fawn up in the tree because he could sense her aura or life force or whatever life-spark. And now he’s sorta daydreaming about his imagined version of her home life and how it’s relating to these mud men that I’m guessing are the same things as the blight bogles.
Oh, fun. Now he’s just randomly assuming Fawn lives at the farm-rest-stop.
Back to Fawn now, and she just wants to get back on the road now, even with the farmwife insisting she stay for the night. And Fawn’s also still thinking “Yo, I’m not a kid.” Oh, fun. She’s apparently twenty. And she’s also apparently a widow.
So, this Sunny Sawman dude doesn’t sound good. I’m getting bitter breakup vibes.
Hoo boy, this is about to be a long one. Also, I think it’s still technically set in the episodes of the show that I have seen?
So, Ichabod’s, like, released but Still Suspicious But The Cops Can’t Really Do Shit About It.
Oh, yeah… I remember this bit. Ichabod’s all confused by modern technology still.
And the Headless Horseman is the Horseman of Death and Ichabod and Abbie have to wait for the other three Horsemen of the Apocalypse because of course they do. (OK, when I watch the show, the whole idea is fun to watch. When I see it all written out, the whole thing kinda sounds as ridiculous as Abbie thinks.)
So, from Ichabod’s notes on mirrors and superstitions: They are spoopy.
And now… OK, screw it, I’m referring them by the popular ship name “Ichabby” when they’re in the same scene even though I ship Ichabod/Katrina so far… And now, Ichabby is allowed to investigate the supernatural shit that are the deaths of Sheriff Corbin and John Cho. With a time limit, because those are fun.
Yeah, Ichabod’s still weirded out by modern technology. (Also, even though saying that “mentally feeble” people can’t get guns would fit Ichabod’s archaic slang, that’s… a pretty yikes way of saying someone’s mentally ill.)
OK, on this drawing of the Headless Horseman… I gotta say, the historical costumes on this show were awesome. How accurate they really are, I can’t say, but here’s hoping they’re close enough…
“Katrina wasn’t a witch… was she? She would’ve said. Right? RIGHT?” BWAHAHAHA… Man, if she wasn’t a witch, how would you explain… everything? (On a related note, this Serilda chick is Important.)
Yeah, Serilda’s Not Completely Dead Yet because of course not.
OK, so, in Sheriff Corbin’s records, he totally knew about the rival covens involving Katrina and Serilda. Because of course he did.
From these copies of the records photocopied into here: Who’s the guy in the old photo, and why is he important? And the concealed weapon permit behind it, who’s that for? Maybe Jenny? (It’s been so long since I’ve actually seen this episode, so I don’t know if this shit was actually referenced in-show or if it’s just Cool Little Details.)
And now Ichabod’s rambling on about how “photographic memory” isn’t totally accurate about how much he remembers about the hidden tunnels under the town because it’s an understatement regarding all the other senses involved. Dude, you’re so fucking long-winded, and not in an endearing way like Ducky from NCIS.
All that infodumping about memory turned out to have an anticlimactic ending: “Blah blah blah, we ran into Serilda down there, we fought her (I’m leaving out the gruesome details), then we blew her up. But the tunnels didn’t collapse because of Awesome Freemason Architectural Awesomeness.”
These drawings of birbs are cute.
Oh, fun. Now I’m remembering Abbie’s Ex Who Won’t Let Go.
Ah, yes, the whole plausible deniability thing going on with the BS excuse that Ichabod’s a history professor from Oxford doing consulting stuff and nobody remembers him from history because He Isn’t Supposed To Be Important Enough.
Also, this bit where Ichabod’s bitching about high sales taxes and yet that’s one of the things that were a big selling point for the Revolution, and then Abbie’s just like, “Dude, you’re not wrong, but now’s not the time for this…”
OK, note to self: Ichabod’s a huge fan of donut holes. This could be a way to bribe him if I was ever in this universe.
No, but with all these copies of the newspaper articles about how Abbie was gonna be a brilliant criminal profiler and go to the FBI Academy, I’m kinda sad about hearing on, like, Tumblr and shit that she kept getting the short end of the stick character development-and-plot-wise in the later seasons.
And here’s the first(?) mention of the demon in the woods that initially lead to the estrangement of Abbie and Jenny.
First of all, that’s a very specific time for the creation of the universe (even if it is like 15 minutes off). Second of all, I’m suddenly reminded of only the one guy’s theories on the afterlife being more accurate than most religions on The Good Place.
The whole thing with dinosaur fossils being fake and some sort of cosmic joke makes Jurassic Park a lot more interesting.
Are salads evil? Discuss in the comment section below.
So, basically the “dark and stormy night for evil events” is just a bad stereotype because the weather doesn’t like to cooperate and because evil’s just kinda all over.
Yeah, this is going to take a while. I’m only like 2.5 pages into the chapter-thingie? the section? and there’s like 50 pages or so total. I’m probably going to end up taking a dinner break soon.
So, Crowley’s Crowley now. Also, Queen is amazing.
Speaking of Queen in fiction, I wonder what happened to Freddie Mercury in the Good Place universe… I feel like he’s been mentioned at least once, but I forgot what they actually said.
I know using an updated version of “Time Warp” from Rocky Horror in the Hillywood Show‘s Doctor Who parody made sense because context, but now that David Tennant is Crowley, I wish they would’ve done a Queen song (in addition to using “Another One Bites the Dust” in the Walking Dead parody). Hindsight is lovely.
Picking up reading three hours later…
Crowley’s driving around fashionably late, and he’s about to get pulled over by the cops. That’s lovely.
Picking up reading the next day…
So, apparently Crowley’s way of getting out of a traffic ticket is flipping-the-cops-and-then-some to screw up the cop car’s engine.
New awkward mental image: Hestur and Ligur as a cross between Croup and Vandemar from Neverwhere and Trevor’s magma demon form in The Good Place.
What exactly does “going native” entail for a demon?
OK, but really, Ligur’s “demonic act of the day” is the only one that sounds vaguely “traditionally” demonic. Oh… Oh, crap… This bit reminds me of the plot of that miraclr game I played for my YouTube a few months ago, but with demons. (For ironic reference, I picked Gabriel’s miracle, but the choices I made afterwards ended horribly.)
Crowley signed the contract with basically an unintelligible scribble. GO HOME, CROWLEY, YOU’RE NOT SPECIAL JUST ‘CUZ YOU’RE A DEMON.
What’s got Crowley so freaked out?
Also, this “spy movie cassette tape with ‘these are your instructions, and this’ll self-destruct ten seconds after it gets played’” bit has a demon choosing to use Freddie Mercury as its voice but isn’t really Freddie Mercury, right? Right?
Crowley’s spy tape told him to start the end of the world because of course it did.
Hell is worse than Heaven because, y’know, Hell. That’s a great mental image.
Crowley got kicked out of Heaven because… peer pressure? Seems legit.
Wait, the what order of saint who?
Y’know, Mr. Young, maybe the nuns don’t want you around during the birth because the kid’s, y’know, maybe not quite yours?
OK, yeah, Mr. Young, that definitely ain’t your kid if Crowley’s showing up…
Looks like it’s time for another dinner break…
So, the whole issue is because Crowley sucks at sleight-of-hand? OK… You know, I’ve seen a cat video where the cat is amazing at that ball-and-cup sleight-of-hand trick they described. HOW IS CROWLEY DUMBER THAN A CAT? Or maybe it’s Sister Mary who sucks at it? Either way, HOW IS A CAT BETTER AT IT?
Y’know, screw it. Everyone in the hospital right now is an idiot.
Picking up reading an hour later…
OK, is “going native” some British-ism I’m missing since I’m American? Probably…
Yep. Again, everyone here’s an idiot. Except for the mom, who’s over there passed out on the bed. And I’m redacting my bit about Crowley being one of the idiots (for the time being).
Yeah, call the kid Damien. That’s not a suspicious suggestion at all.
Ah, yes, Anathema. The first appearance of your generic Weird Kid (who will probably be a Weird Adult once the actual end of the world rolls around).
Why is Crowley liking sleep so much so relatable?
Picking up reading the next day (again)…
The Spanish Inquisition was started by demons (particularly Crowley)? OK…
The argument between Crowley and Aziraphale about how people get to be good or evil sounds familiar… *insert Good Place jokes here*
Speaking of which, I wonder what would happen if Chidi met these two…
Sister Mary, STAHP WITH THE WEIRD BABY NAME IDEAS. (Seriously, Cain’s a bit foreshadow-y, too, except for the parents being a bit oblivious to all of it.)
Also, isn’t having a name picked out for the kid in advance a bit of a thing now?
And… Adam it is? Maybe?
Yeah… The Other Kid is screwed.
Why do I get the feeling this Newton kid’s going to blow shit up at some point? And not just blow out the house’s circuit breaker?
Yep. Adam it is.
And it’s still not a dark and stormy night because of course not.
So Hastur’s the one Fucking Shit Up now?
Crowley and Aziraphale are at the frenemies point now? Or something? (Screw it, I’m calling them C and A now. At least until I forget.)
The angel hates humanity, and the demon loves humanity. OK, sure.
Oh, finally, a footnote aimed for Confused Americans like me.
Most of the good musicians are in Hell… No, but how many subtle references to this book DID they put in The Good Place?
Cruelly and A Zero Fell are such adorable frenemies-or-something.
A Zero Fell owns a used book”store.” That’s lovely.
Also, I love his Hilarious Typo Bible Collection.
Yes, Mr. Bilton “lost” one of his rare books. *squints suspiciously at A Zero Fell*
Yeah, there’s always the whole “weird prophecies and conspiracy theories” fad, isn’t there?
A drunken argument about animals? OK.
Aw, A Zero Fell, did you forgetted how to words?
What… A bird or something and a spaceship?
They’re arguing about the kid already? Oh, boy, wait until they find out Someone Fucked Up there.
Well, anyway, let’s see how their Agreement-turned-bet goes.
This Scarlett girl always looked 25? Even when she was a baby?
666 Fifth Avenue… Wasn’t there a TV show about that place on ABC that got canceled halfway through its’ first season?
I know Sherryl being on Sable’s diet plan’s got to be a satire on ridiculous fad diets, but damn…
OK, at this point, are we going through the Random Assorted Characters Who May Or May Not Be Important Once Eleven Years Is Up?
So, did Mr. White have jobs at Important Science Places That Blew Up or something? Because he seems to have a bit of a track record for Creating Ecological Disasters.
This talk of ridiculous butlers reminds me of the bit in the beginning of A Princess for Christmas when Jules is shocked that Paisley is a butler since he’s the butler to her niece and nephew’s granddad, and Paisley’s like, “P. Diddy’s got three” or whatever.
An Addendum A Few Months Later: Wait… These Random Assorted Characters are actually the Four Horsepeeps, aren’t they? Back to the regularly scheduled book commentary now…
…Wait, the nuns actually convinced Other Kid’s Parents to call him Warlock? Poor kid. But at least that’s not quite as bad as so many celebrity baby names…
Oh… Other Kid… uh, Warlock… is the Not-the-Antichrist, isn’t he… Someone Done Screwed Up, didn’t they?
Way to talk about Transformers toys without actually calling them Transformers Because Copyright.
No, but seriously, why all the focus on Adam for most of the chapter if he was the kid Cruelly and A Zero Fell were looking for instead of Warlock?
And now they’re finally catching on… right at the very end of the chapter…
Yeah, sure, Adam Warlock’s going to give his hellhound a terrifying name.
Katrina put Ichabod in a magic-Rip-van-Winkle-coma-thing, Ichabod’s back because the Horseman’s back, and Ichabod and possibly Abby are the two Biblical Witnesses. Or something.
“Perhaps General Washington knew more than he was telling me when he made his remarks about the true stakes of the war in the colonies…” No shit, Ichabod…
The Horseman hates the sun. Right.
Also, Ichabod and Abby have to get rid of the Horseman’s head and rescue Katrina. Great.
What’s the deal with Reverend Knapp?
No, but John Cho’s character dying and coming back so much was ridiculous.
This is basically a short rehash of the first season of Sleepy Hollow on Fox told by Ichabod. So, spoilers for that, too?
“One barely knows where to start.” Oh, Mr. Proper Grammar… One barely knows where to start? This is your journal. Just say I barely know where to start.
So, yeah, this is right at the beginning of the pilot when Ichabod first wakes up and gets arrested for the sheriff’s murder, and he has no idea what’s going on.
OK, yeah, the Headless Horseman’s back and is the one who killed the sheriff, but it does kinda sound crazy.
The bow tattoo is bad.
Ichabod knows the story about Benjamin Franklin and the kite, lived through the time period that it happened, but still doesn’t know that the whole story is an urban legend and that the electricity would’ve killed Franklin? (I saw that last bit on Mythbusters.)
Yeah, Ichabod’s way behind on his American history from being supposedly dead for over 200 years.
Why the specific Bible verse? (I’m asking both as a “this’ll definitely get answered later” thing and an “I’m actually way behind on the show” thing.)
Of course there’s a paranormal element to the Revolutionary War because of course there is.
“….and rain hadn’t been invented yet.” Off to a great start already.
Crawly the snake demon? BOOO! Bad pun!
And so begins the BroTP between Crowley and Aziraphale. Or whatever it is they’ve got going on.
And I love Crowley’s bit in the cast list: “An Angel who did not so much Fall as Saunter Vaguely Downwards.” (Honestly, if that were me, it’d probably say something more about tripping over my own feet.)
I’m laughing about the one time, someone on Tumblr asked Neil Gaiman what Dog would look like in the upcoming TV adaptation (note to self: at some point, I should do the trial version of Amazon Prime, binge watch the show when it drops, and immediately cancel said free trial), Neil vaguely described how Dog would look like he was supposed to in the book, and the immediate next post on my dash was a dog who very loosely fit that description. That was one of the closest moments I’ve had to “hey, look, my dash did a thing.”
Megan's Book Blog 