“So, what would you do if you knew your last day would be your last day? All these cheesy teen romance tropes (including a well-deserved dig at Twilight)? If I knew that, I wouldn’t have done that, I would’ve… hung out with my boyfriend… in… yet another cheesy teen romance trope?”
“But what happened was I overslept after binge watching TV the night before, stole my mom’s super-fashionable clothes, had a run-in with my school’s stereotypical mean girl Kristen, and had the subway run late when I just wanted to get home. Also, I got murdered when someone shoved me into the path of the subway when it actually did show up.”
This book is ridiculous at times, but I still love it.
I remember loving this book in like 8th or 9th grade (2005-2007) when I was in the middle of my Sleepy Hollow phase. And I’m definitely classifying it in my Goodreads tags as one of those books I used to love but realize that they weren’t actually that great/haven’t aged well/aren’t really my taste anymore.
It doesn’t help that I’m pretty sure this series is out-of-print. I got lucky and found the first two books at the Books-A-Million back then at the peak of my interest (although technically in the clearance section), and the third and fourth books I’ve only rarely seen at one of my local used book stores and on ThriftBooks.
Anyway, back to my actual review…
OK, so Aimee and Shane are moving from Boston to Sleepy Hollow. And they’re both pretending to not be upset about it. And Shane’s… apparently doing a better job of it?
So, Aimee and Shane’s mom recently died of cancer, and they’re all taking it kinda hard (especially Aimee?).
Mr. Lancaster apparently got a job as an editor for the local paper or something?
And the late Mrs. Lancaster had some ancestors from Sleepy Hollow because of course that’s not foreshadowing for something bad to happen and for Aimee and Shane to be involved.
And it’s also Totally Not Foreshadowing that Shane became super-withdrawn after the mom died. And… wait, it’s not clear which kid was involved (maybe Shane?), but the vague reference to an incident with the teacher’s? principal’s? car is also Totally Not Foreshadowing.
Oh, fun. As soon as the Lancasters roll into town, their car dies and crashes.
AND THEN ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE BECAUSE OF COURSE IT DOES. A bunch of street lights nearby just shatter, animals start freaking out, and the river… starts boiling?
Of course there’s a Van Brunt family still in town.
So this Stasia girl’s parents work at a restaurant. And of course her house is apparently haunted.
And all the phones in Town Hall just so happen to all go off at the same time.
And some headstones in the middle of the Old Dutch Church cemetery shatter because of course they do.
And the holy water in another local church starts boiling with a sulfur smell because of course it does.
All of this goes down all at once, and (just based on what they saw), Mr. Lancaster somehow convinced himself that this is all an elaborate prank instead of all Hell literally breaking loose.
A random-yet-related note: now I’m suddenly reminded that one of these days, I should get new copies of Jessica Verday’s The Hollow trilogy to review here. The first book was a promising start (that now I think about it, I’d hate it because it’s kinda Sleepy Hollow meets Twilight), the second book was… really weird, and I rage quit early on in book three.
Oh, fun. This is another one of those prologues that take place in the middle of the action and the majority of the book is a flashback and the main character’s just like “why me?”
So, Aphra’s running around in the forest in the middle of a thunderstorm.
And she’s being shot at. So that’s fun.
Hoo boy. This last paragraph is… there’s a lot to unpack here. So there’s this Very Important Guy called Seth, someone called Bianca is/was in trouble, and Aphra’s got mommy issues.
So, the first thing Death notices about death scenes is the colors of the surroundings. Gotcha.
Also, Death is very insistent on the well-known fact that everyone dies.
OK, yeah, Death is very obsessed with colors (especially when the sky is a dark chocolate color? or something?). And wants a vacation, apparently.
Death is apparently not a fan of survivors. I mean…
I get the feeling that this is going to be one of those cases where I’m just like “I love this book, but that doesn’t mean I’m not gonna completely pick it apart.”
OK, I’ve heard a lot of comparisons between this and the Miss Peregrine series, and I’m just like… no? There are some horror elements in both (this is more straight horror and Miss Peregrine is more fantasy, though), and they both use a lot of spooky old photos, but that’s… that’s really all?
Anyway, back to the prologue…
So, yeah. This takes place in what used to be an old mental hospital because scary.
So, it’s stopped raining, and Coraline’s finally allowed to go outside again. And apparently the fog is so thick, it puts pea soup to shame.
Coraline ran into Miss Spink, who started reminiscing about how when she and Miss Forcible used to get loads of flowers sent to their dressing rooms from men back when they were actresses (despite total lesbian vibes from the two of them, because how else do you explain them living together with a crapton of dogs once they retired?).
Also, how else are you supposed to interpret the bit two seconds later when Coraline runs into Miss Forcible worrying about Miss Spink wandering around in the fog and getting her shingles to act up?
The Old Man Upstairs is like “The mice hate the fog. Also, they say ‘Coraline, don’t go through the door.'” and Coraline’s just like “LOL what? At least they got my name right.”
School’s supposed to start up in a week, which is always fun.
And now Coraline’s bored again. And her parents are too busy to hang out with her again.
Coraline’s visiting Misses Spink and Forcible for tea. And the two old ladies are fighting like an old married couple.
OK, so, the Old Man Upstairs said the mice don’t want Coraline to go through the totally-not-bricked-and-locked door, and now her tea leaves say she’s in danger. Because that door isn’t weird at all.
So Miss Spink gave Coraline a weird stone with a hole in it to protect her from danger. I know in the movie, it was a flat triangle-looking stone with a hole in it, but I’ve always thought it looked more like a tiny donut?
OK, this totally sounds weird, but I have this weird tradition about reading this around Thanksgiving every year. Yeah, I know Halloween sounds better, but it makes more sense to me for Thanksgiving because it reminds me of getting my copy at the fall Scholastic Book Fair in 2003, early on in sixth grade.
Also, expect me to have loads of the standard “The Book Was Better Than The Movie” complaints throughout this reread.
My first complaint is that movie!Coraline is much more of a brat than book!Coraline. I will… probably explain more as I read (but take some of my explanations with a grain of salt because it’s been ages since I’ve watched the actual movie).
But anyway, back to the regularly scheduled book commentary.
So, Coraline and her parents live in the middle flat in a renovated mansion. The attic and the basement have already been long-rented-out.
Also, Suspicious Door Coraline Found Is Suspicious.
Oh, wait. In the book, Misses Spink and Forcible rented out the ground floor, Coraline’s family rented out the middle floor, and the Weird Old Man rented out the attic. And the basement was just… The Basement That’s Not Overly Creepy Yet. (Misses Spink and Forcible had the basement in the movie? I think?)
So, Miss Spink and Miss Forcible are retired actresses.
Also, the dogs are funny.
And the Weird Old Man’s trying to train a mouse circus.
Everyone mispronouncing Coraline’s name all the time has gotta be frustrating. The closest I’ve ever gotten is “wait, do you have an H in the middle of your name or not?”
No, but random question: At what point do you get so tired of being patient when trying to correct people who get your name wrong that you just snap and get so petty you purposely get their names wrong until they get the point?
OK, but those gardens and the tennis court sound like they’d be amazing if someone got around to actually fixing them. (Random memory, with spoilers: I forget how much the garden changed when Coraline went to the Other Mother’s world in the book, but the whole “making it look nice to show off to entice Coraline” sequence in the movie was just… a bit too showy? And because the whole thing felt so overdone, it kinda lost some of the charm from the book.)
After Miss Spink and Miss Forcible vaguely mentioned it, Coraline’s trying to find the scary old well that’s super deep and got closed off, just so she can know where it is and avoid it so she doesn’t get hurt. Child Logic seems legit here.
Ah, yes. The Cat. Gotta love The Cat.
Yeah, being stuck inside when it’s raining and you’ve read everything you have 5,000 times and you’ve watched all your TV shows and you’re a kid does get boring.
The dad’s just like “OK, you explored the outside of the house, right? Have you explored the inside yet? Go count all these things. But just be quiet because I’m Working.”
Lovely. The one Suspicious Door That Should Go Into One Of The Flats In The Other Half Of Coraline’s Floor is all bricked up. And locked. And Coraline’s mom didn’t bother locking the door back up because Why Would She Lock A Bricked-Up Door?
So, Coraline hates it when her dad makes Recipes… which kinda sound like failed dishes on Chopped. And then Coraline’s just like “screw it, I’m making myself a TV dinner pizza.”
And now I’m suddenly reminded of the time my dad tried making some sort of polenta and ham thing? a few years back. My first reaction was “OMG, dad’s making a Recipe.” And then I was like “I don’t know what polenta is, but I’m pretty sure it’s not supposed to look like that.” (Turns out I was right after watching so much Chopped since then.)
Oh, lovely. Coraline’s trying to go to sleep, and the Bricked-Over Door just seemingly opened itself up… but a rat got in through the door. Even though it’s supposed to still be bricked over. And the rat’s invading Coraline’s nightmares and brought a few rat buddies to taunt her.
So, the secret spy base is underground. I’m getting “mad scientist lab” vibes already.
Prov the Office Manager sneaks Jesse chocolate sometimes to give her an occasional sense of normal childhood. Because she’s awesome.
So, Mary’s officially called Jesse’s carer. Or spy handler. Or tutor. Or something.
Oh, fun. Jesse technically completed the assignment, but she’s worried she messed it up.
Also, apparently her best friend, Rohan, disappeared… uh, got sick and left… under mysterious circumstances.
Oh, fun. Rohan disappeared shortly after getting suspicious of their C2 agency’s motives and started hacking into stuff. Because of course there needs to be a conspiracy element.
Yeah, Jesse getting called to the director’s office is probably a bad sign, since this sounds like the closest thing she’s had to getting called into the principal’s office.
What’s her mission at the mall? (It’s been ages since I’ve read this first book, but I’m getting training mission vibes?) And why do I get the feeling that the hobo guy’s part of whatever training mission or something?
What’s the fishbowl? And why’s failing the mission bad enough that Jesse’s afraid of going back there?
Jurassic pork? That’s the cheesiest pun I’ve heard in a while.
Lawnhead? What kinda insult is Lawnhead? Does that mean he’s got a military buzzcut for hair or does it mean his hair is a mess like an overgrown lawn?
Oh, fun. The Obscurist Magnus knows about Morgan’s powers, and he’s ordering her to be kidnapped.
And that was a short ephemera interlude.
“So far, though, luck was with them.” LOL, not for long.
And now Jess and Company are trekking back through the freezing rain with what books they could take. And apparently the “muddy” streets smell like sewers. Who wants to bet that’s not actually 100% mud?
OK, now Jess’s “cousin” who runs the pub as part of the smuggling cover might actually be some sort of (possibly distant) cousin for real?
And of course Jess is gonna have to have some sort of interesting bargaining chip for his family’s help.
This Frederick guy thinks Brendan’s an ass, too? OK, good.
Well, this is great. Not only is the Obscurist Magnus’ lackeys after Morgan, so is her dad. And Mr. Hault got there first. And he’s obviously dangerous after living in the war zone for so long.
Yeah, the war’s definitely fucked Mr. Hault up mentally.
I’d say his brand of vigilante justice isn’t the right way to bring down the shit that is the Library, but, y’know, sequels (although technically I’m only up to book two on my personal Goodreads).
So, Mr. Hault turned to the Burner cause? Yeah, that’s lovely.
Well, that was… an abrupt end to the standoff. Also, I love Wolfe basically like “Not another word to my students or you’re dying next.”
Wait, I read that wrong? Mr. Hault’s not actually dead yet? God, I need sleep.
So, this is lovely. Nobody likes the Library Crew: Not the military earlier, not Frederick’s smuggling branch now…
Time to pull out a meme again:
Frederick’s all like “I didn’t sell y’all out!” but he did corner them with a “guide” in the middle of a now-blocked-off cemetery…
Oh, fun. Now Portero’s dead, and we’re down to the final six kids. Although I seriously wish Dario and Morgan died with him…
And in the middle of the battle, some lady gave Jess a random baby that won’t end up going to safety like the mom wants.
So, the Library Crew managed to escape the city just as the battle started for real. Lovely.
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