Has it really been a year since I’ve even touched this book on this blog? Wow. Anyway… time to try and actually finish it… I just hope it hasn’t been so long that I’ve forgotten everything I already read.
So, Charles Dickens tried recruiting Magwich to be be a Caretaker, but then Magwich sold everyone out and became the Winter King’s lackey. Got it.
“So, how do we close the Black Cauldron… uh, Pandora’s Box?” “IDK, I don’t think you can…” “OK, cool. We’ll get back to that later. Let’s just focus on going to meet the Cartographer to get rid of the Geographica.”
Oh, fun. Apparently Maggot got Pandora’s Box away from the Morgaine by getting them blackout drunk. And giving Cul a back massage because the alcohol alone wasn’t enough for her.
So, the Winter King’s about to track down the crew to Byblos, so now they’re going to have to leave the Indigo Dragon there for repairs and use Ordo Maas’ Super Secret Emergency White Dragon.
OK, wait, was the White Dragon the Ark or something? Note to self: I need to reread The First Dragon.
So, Ordo Maas’ sons turned back into birds, and they’re gonna be Stuck Like That because they know they’re gonna have to go into battle like that.
OK, so the part of the Archipelago where the Cartographer and the Keep of Time are is the Chamenos Liber. And they don’t know what that’s even about. Yet.
So, apparently the Morgaine threw Artus down a well whenever he bothered them too much. And the Green Knight kept having to play Lassie and get him out.
And they’re still on the “how the hell did Dickens think letting Maggot be a potential Caretaker was a good idea?”
Oh, fun. On top of that, the White Dragon is freaking out because Maggot knocked Artus out and stole the lifeboat. And the Royal Ring. And the Geographica.
But they still have to go to the Keep of Time anyway.
Here I am again, not finishing Secrets and Coraline because I got distracted. This time, I’m going with one of my favorites from high school. Honestly, I kinda discovered it by accident the last day before spring break my junior year because it was the brightest-covered book on that shelf in the school library. And I kinda feel like it went out of print kinda fast, since I got lucky to find my own copy at the Books-a-Million at the closest mall to me a few days before graduation, and only in the clearance section. I’ve only ever seen it maybe once or twice at a used bookstore in the… 10 1/2 years since.
Also, on Goodreads, I keep seeing people complaining about the humor elements to this, and I’m always like… that’s the point? It’s a fantasy novel, but it’s also a parody? But anyway…
So, we’ve got Veronica attempting to finish some (ridiculously over-the-top) fantasy novel. And she keeps getting interrupted. I totally know the feeling. I don’t get as much time completely to myself as I want, even before coronavirus started, so it’s hard for me to get any reading done uninterrupted.
And apparently Veronica’s little sister Luz is the one distracting her. And it’s dinner time.
This isn’t technically a large print edition, but the font is still big enough that the 20 pages of this chapter should go by pretty fast.
So, Veronica is a year older than Luz. Veronica is the nerdy sister, and Luz is the pretty one.
It says Veronica started high school two years earlier, so I’m guessing she’s either most of the way through her sophomore year or partway through her junior year. It’s just vague enough that I can’t really tell. Either that or I’m just having a dumb moment.
Can I get my nose to stop running long enough to let me finish this chapter? Please?
So, they’ve also got an older brother called Esteban, and he’s really into working out now that he’s lost a lot of weight.
Apparently Veronica has the best grades in her English class.
OK, so, Veronica’s favorite book is The Queen of Twilight by Fabiella Banks. And apparently it was the first longer fantasy novel her dad used as a bedtime story. And… it’s apparently what she’s supposed to be reading for homework for English, but she’s read it so many times she thinks she’s got it memorized enough to write her essay about the book without rereading it.
Except now she’s suddenly forgot what one of the major magical orbs from the book is called, and her mom accidentally sent the book in a box of other books to Goodwill. Or the used book drive. Or whatever.
Of course even with getting a new copy it won’t feel the same since it won’t be the copy she got from her dad.
And… she’s not allowed to go pick up a new copy until after dinner.
Meanwhile, Right After Dinner… Heather is at the cafe in the Barnes and Noble with her friends, and she’s complaining about her crappy new haircut.
And two of her totally shallow lackeys are named Amber. And apparently they’re both so similar they sorta bleed into a single Amber.
Of course the guy Heather has a crush on shows up while she’s wallowing.
Even better: he’s asking about the essay that’s due for English, because apparently they’re all in the same class as Veronica. And Heather hasn’t started because she forgot about it. And it’s due the next day. Because of course it is.
OK, so Heather’s one of those rich and popular girls with absent parents. The parents are always jet-setting around the world for charity stuff and business trips.
Oh, fun. Ms. Jackson the English teacher is super strict. And Heather’s not going to be able to skate by on Cliff’s Notes or playing sick (or dead).
So, Heather is over here like “where’s a bookstore so I can get this stupid book for this stupid essay” when she’s literally in a bookstore cafe.
And… Heather’s checking out a snow globe that’s a tacky Empire State Building souvenir and complaining about how it shouldn’t be there when they’re just over the state line in New Jersey.
Oh, fun. Heather’s totally shoplifting it.
And apparently her pink jacket (and her bad hair day) is about to be Important.
Lovely. Now Veronica and Heather are fighting over the last copy of the book. And the cashier is totally enjoying it.
And a scanner malfunction and… a freak storm caused Veronica and Heather to poof out of existence.
OK, just to preface this, I’m going with the 15th anniversary update of the book, since I do plan on getting the sequel at some point. I did read the original 2003 edition (once in high school 12-ish years ago, and once like… five? years ago), and I do know that this version has a few parts rewritten to incorporate modern technology and pop culture, but it’s supposedly still the same other than that. It’s been so long since I read the OG version, and the changes work so well, that I honestly can barely tell they’re there.
Also, this is still one of my favorites, even with the dark turn in the middle of the book. But anyway…
So, yeah, we’re really opening with an awkward makeout session. (Also, I know it does get brought up, but Froggy does have a funny name for a human character.)
So, Virginia and Froggy are not-really-friends-with-benefits. And it’s a semi-accidental relationship since apparently Virginia’s apartment is on the way to Froggy’s trombone lessons after school.
And this has only been going on a couple weeks since the start of the school year.
So, yeah, now Zac’s apologizing for trying to steal the lizard, and Bindi’s explaining the trick with the macaw being Robert’s idea.
I dunno what Australian laws are like, but just a slap on the wrist and having Zac help with the cake seems a bit light for trying to steal an animal from a zoo. But I guess he is just a kid, and he didn’t really get away with stealing the lizard.
I’d like to imagine Zac got grounded when he got home post-canon, but it doesn’t sound like it based on how the parents were so excited about meeting Bindi…
Anyway, I guess that’s the book, other than some animal facts?
Well, Robert’s just spotted Zac. And he’s definitely picking up on Zac’s weird vibe.
Even though it’s a sea creature-themed party, but I’m still imagining Robert using a bad cowboy voice like “there’s only enough room for one troublemaker in this zoo, and that’s me.” Or something like that.
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